The Plan
by cinbru
Summary: Ranger has decided to make some additions in his life and this includes Stephanie. Can he win her over or will she stick to her man hating philosophy? Shameless, blatant fluff.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**The Plan**

Stephanie Plum. I ran my hand over my face and sighed. I had to stop thinking about her. I had been sitting in my office for the last 45 minutes with the Kaufman file in front of me unread. If you want to get right down to it, the damn thing wasn't even open. I shook my head slightly and opened the file.

_There. Get a grip, Carlos_.

She had broken up with the cop two months ago. It took the burg about an hour to spread the word like wildfire. It took about three hours for her to get piss drunk in Pino's with Lula and swear off all men forever. It took and additional hour for her to narrow it down from all men to just the 'cheating, bastard cop fucker' and the 'Cuban piece of ass chicken shit'. I assumed I was the chicken shit. Like I said, that was two months ago and I had been letting her have her space, especially since she wasn't too fond of me after the whole Dickie bugging fiasco. It had nothing to do with being a chicken shit. It's no secret I want her bad, and starting my objective when she would rather see me castrated doesn't make for good warfare.

I have made several decisions in my life recently. The foremost decision is that I want Stephanie Plum. The problem with this is that she is uncharted territory for me. A full scale invasion with no prior recon. Which leads me to decision #2. I'm making this too hard. She's a woman. It can't be this difficult. I'm setting realistic, attainable goals which will be achieved with planning and strategy. Every goal ever set can be accomplished with the proper due diligence. You just need discipline and order and the rest will fall into place.

I just need to be able to concentrate. I can't seem to wrap my mind around a plan before it deteriorates into her moaning my name. Sometimes she's bending over across my lap wearing a Betty Rubble outfit-

Shit. My best time so far has been 4.5 minutes before I lose focus. This isn't good. I need to find some way to get my focus back.

I came back to reality from a sharp knock on my door.

"Enter!"

Tank walked in and tossed another file on my desk.

"Information you wanted on Ibarra, Boss." I grunted and picked up the info. Great. Another file I won't be able to read.

Tank was staring at my desk, his face an open book of confused amusement.

"Dude, what the fuck is that?"

I looked down at my notepad where I had been idly doodling while I thought. 'Stephanie Manoso' was written plain as day. Shit. What the hell is wrong with me?

Tank barked out a laugh as I crumpled the page and threw it in the trash. First plan of action: secure Tank's big, fat mouth.

"Will there be anything else, Pierre? I have a 7 hour stakeout on Stark that I need to find someone to cover. Then there is quite a bit of monitor duty still unassigned."

Tank settled down but the grin remained. "Man, it's been a long time since you resorted to pussy threats to protect your manhood." Shit. He motioned to the trashcan. "Are you going to ever do anything about that or are you just going to resort to breaking into her apartment while she's sleeping to try to touch her boobie?"

"Fuck off, Tank. I'm getting there."

"You want to fill me in?"

I pressed a finger to my eye and blew out a breath. I didn't show signs of frustration often but when I did it felt really, really good.

"I wish I could. I can't seem to concentrate long enough to coordinate my plan of attack."

Tank pulled up a chair, his grin widening by the minute.

"Talk to Tanky. Tell Big Daddy all about it."

I leveled my eyes at him and remained silent.

"Lighten up, man," he finally said, rolling his eyes at me.

I smiled at him and leaned back. "I need a plan. A simple plan that will change my status with Stephanie and somehow ensure her nudity at the same time."

"Ah, the eternal plan of all men."

"Any ideas?"

"I got a few."

We got right down to it. With Tank there, I didn't have near the problems I usually did thinking about sex every 5 minutes. I could go for long stretches of at least 10 to 12 minutes at a time. At the end of two hours, our meeting had adjourned to my apartment and included beer. By the time Tank left I was feeling the familiar optimism I did at the start of a well planned mission. Oh yes. Stephanie Plum didn't stand a chance.

TBC…


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful character. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note**: I'm really sorry for the delay. RL snuck up and bit my ass this week. But in a good 'I just don't have time to write' kinda way.

**The Plan**

**Part Two**

_Ranger_

I woke up with a slight headache. I didn't drink very much anymore and I was thinking I could have skipped the last three beers. But after my less than manly actions in my office yesterday I felt the need to match Tank. Luckily I really don't get hungover. A headache is about as bad as it gets.

I took a steaming shower and got dressed, my head clearing by the second. I walked out to see what Ella had brought and saw our 'plan' notes from the night before. I picked them up with a cocky smile which faded some after I read our battle plan. _This_ was what we came up with? Re-reading it, it didn't sound nearly as foolproof and it had after eight beers. I grabbed my phone and called Tank.

"What." Tank didn't sound too happy. In fact, he sounded downright rough. My silver lining is that, unlike me, Tank gets hungover like a little girl.

"You vomit?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

I grinned at his answer. Tank was very defensive about his hangovers. He was also very predictable. I counted down in my head in anticipation of his hangover defense mechanism. 3-2-1…

"I think I'm coming down with the flu."

I ignored his delusion. I had more important things to discuss.

"Are you aware of what we wrote out last night?"

"Yep. That's some good shit."

"And you still support this plan?"

"Yep."

I assessed what he said. My gut was telling me there needed to be more, but as Tank was currently getting laid and I was not, he may be on to something.

"Have these methods worked for you?"

"They make Lula put out all the time."

This did not reassure me. Tank could turn Lula on with light beer and a porno mag. I doubt she would find him attractive at the moment, however. He was making slight 'ooph' noises as he talked, trying to muffle his current digestive discomfort. Tank tried to ignore his hangover every time and we usually had to help him along. But I had a few more questions before I put him out of his misery.

I looked at Step 1 again.

"So we got drunk and spent two hours coming up with 'compliment her'?"

"Yeah." The last part of the word trailed off silently, but he rallied. "Lula about rips off my pants when I say hot things."

"Like what?"

"Like- Baby, you've got a hot ass. You should have seen what she did to me when I told her she had breasts that would make a virgin want to titty fuck." He ended this with a cough. He was getting close.

"And you really think this will make me more attractive to Steph?"

Long pause. "Yes."

"I'll let you go. My breakfast is getting cold. However, I don't think I can eat the eggs. They are still pretty runny and this one looks like it has a streak of blood."

I heard an intake of breath and the phone hung up. I smiled. His day would be much better now.

ooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I entered the bonds office approximately 11 minutes after she did. I had planned it that way. This enabled her to relax after realizing I wasn't there and engage in a conversation with Connie. She wouldn't notice me approach and my chances of throwing her off-balance increased with this maneuver.

She was standing in front of Connie's desk as I had figured she would be. Lula and Connie froze when I walked in and I saw Steph stiffen for a moment before finishing her sentence. She was so cute when she was indignant.

I walked to her and rested my hand at the base of her neck, shifting her hair out of the way as I did. I felt a small shiver and just as quickly felt her try to hide it. I smiled slightly, immensely pleased.

"Babe."

"Ranger."

Could have been a warmer reception but I knew she wasn't unaffected. I got my files from Connie, letting my hand slide across her shoulder as I reached. She shrugged her shoulders slightly and tried to look aloof.

I nodded to all three ladies and walked outside. Step 1 was about to see some action.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I was leaning against her car when she came out. I saw her step falter but she recovered and made her way towards me.

"You're blocking my door, Ranger. May I help you?"

The situation was more hostile than I thought. I quickly assessed the right compliment to start with. This was tricky. Go for too big and it could come across as crass. Too small and you risked indifference. Compliments weren't exactly my forte, come to think of it. I thought quickly, going for what I hoped was middle ground.

"I don't need anything. I just wanted to see your beautiful eyes before I finish my day."

She looked wary so I went for the big guns and gave her a full smile. I watched the anger fade and a blush touch her cheeks. She didn't stand a chance.

She kept her chin up, however. "And you needed to wait around just for that?"

"Yeah, Babe. And I would have waited a lot longer."

She looked at me for a moment and I saw her eyes melt a little and a small smile peeked out.

I couldn't help but think that Tank was right. This was working. I was starting to feel more of my usual confident self. I was on my way to sealing the deal and I hadn't even needed to get past Step 1. I was a superb bastard.

A smarter man would have stopped there and collected a win. I, however, got cocky. This is the only problem with being ex-military. You lose all ability to stop when you should if it means leaving a plan unfinished. I could hear Tank in my head telling me to 'Step up, Soldier!'.

She made a move towards her car, the slight blush still on her cheeks. "Well, if there isn't anything else…"

"Actually, there is one more thing." I didn't have another compliment but I knew I needed to get one more in. One more and I would feel good about my effort.

She raised her eyebrows expectantly. I tried to think quickly, but all I could hear in my head was Tank's voice.

"That shirt really makes your breasts look big."

Fuck.

Her eyes opened and her mouth parted slightly. I watched as the shock that showed immediately on her face was overthrown by fury. This was bad.

"Excuse me? Are you looking at my _breasts_?"

I stood still for a moment willing an answer, amnesia, Tank's death…_anything_ to fix the moment. Luckily, I'm excellent under pressure. Usually.

"Babe, you've mentioned in the past your insecurities over your size. I was just trying to let you know that you have done a nice job of highlighting them today. I didn't mean to offend you."

She narrowed her eyes at me but didn't say anything. She turned and opened her car door, starting to slide in. This had turned on me somehow, and I hadn't even seen it coming.

"I don't suppose you want to have lunch?" I blurted out.

She paused halfway in her car and looked up at me with an incredulous look on her face.

"It's just…well…your makeup looks nice."

She just sat there looking at me and for the first time in my life, I couldn't control my mouth. I was failing to succeed in a plan. That _never_ happened. I felt desperation.

"You look thinner."

Nothing. I could feel sweat. I never sweat.

"Is that a new haircut?"

Finally she moved. Her eyes got wide and she looked pissed as hell.

"NO, Ranger! It is not a new haircut. It has fucking egg in it. EGG! And, no, I have not lost weight. Are you implying you thought I was fat? I don't know what you're trying to pull, but this is creepy and I'm leaving." She slammed her door shut.

I watched her drive away and tried to contemplate how I failed so miserably. I was speechless. Great. NOW I'm speechless. Where was speechless five minutes ago when I needed it?

My cell rang. Tank. I hit talk but didn't say anything. I hoped he could feel the pissed I was sending to him over the phone.

"I see on the monitor that Steph is leaving the Bonds office. Did you say the one about the tits?"

"Oh, I said something."

"Did you score a date?"

"No, I think it's safe to say I didn't score a date."

"Well, we didn't really think it would work right away. You need to try again in a few hours."

"Negative. It doesn't feel safe."

"Ranger. She's a chick."

And there it was. He was right. I could do this. I saw Lester pull up in one of the Explorers.

"Oh- I sent Lester over to pick up the files so you would be free to continue executing Step 1." 'Executing' seemed incredibly fitting.

"You feeling better?"

"Yeah. It must have been that flu that only lasts a few hours. It's going around." Lester walked up.

"Right."

We hung up and I handed Lester the files.

"What's up, Rangeman? That Tank? I didn't see him this morning."

"He drank last night."

"Uh oh. Does he have the Tank flu?" I nodded. "Shit! What time is it? We need to make him vomit."

"Taken care of."

"Thank God. When it was my turn last I had to spin him around for 30 seconds before he went. Told him it was Disorientation Training. He was so dizzy he missed the toilet." He shuddered. "He throws up a lot."

"Lester. What compliments have worked for you on women?"

"Let me think." He furrowed his brow. "They usually love it when you compliment their breasts." I rolled my eyes slightly and made the go ahead gesture with my hand. "I use 'Oh baby, you're so good' a lot."

"How about a non-sexual compliment?"

Lester looked confused. "I guess you could tell her she's smart, or something. They like to feel smart."

It suddenly became clear why Lester was single.

ooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Steph_

Ranger was acting really weird. I saw him several more times today, each time more confusing than the last. He just kept complimenting me. And it was weird stuff, too. The last time I saw him he told me I was good in bed. What the fuck is that?

I was walking out from the police station, having just turned in Rusty Sanchez when I saw him leaning against my car. I couldn't help it but my heart fluttered. Weird or not, I still got a rush when I saw him. And this was the third rush today. But I had sworn him off and I was going to stick with it.

"Ranger. What are you doing here?" He looked smug like he had something really good to say.

He leaned forward a little with his small smile on his face.

"Babe. I think you'd be great at childbirth." He leaned back and his smile widened. He looked like he was waiting for me to say something.

"What? What kind of thing is that to say?"

His smile disappeared and he cut his eyes to the right. I think he sent a small Ranger glare. I looked over my shoulder and saw Tank leaning against the Cayenne. He gave Ranger a thumbs up.

I turned back to Ranger. "I don't even want children! And I'm not even married. Why would you remind me?"

Ranger looked down at the ground for a minute and I heard him mumble 'fucking Tank'. He looked back up at me and blew out a breath.

"Sorry, Babe. I was just trying to be nice to you. I know you've been mad at me for some reason and I was just trying to smooth things over."

"By giving me really bad compliments?"

"They seemed good in my head."

I laughed and he smiled again. I closed the distance and slipped my arms around his neck. I heard him sigh quietly before he wrapped his arms back around me. We heard 'HA!' from the direction of the Cayenne.

"I'm not really mad at you. Just please stop complimenting me. It's creepy." I pulled back and looked at him

He looked tired but happy. "Thanks, Babe. Truce?"

"Truce."

He kissed my head and stepped back. "Have lunch with me tomorrow?"

"Sure."

I opened my door as he walked away. I was just getting in when I heard Tank say loudly, "See man? I TOLD you that one was the money!"

Well that explained some of it.

I smiled to myself. Lunch with Ranger. Friendly, non-romantic lunch with Ranger. Nope. No date there. But I still couldn't stop smiling.

TBC…


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**The Plan**

**Part three**

_Ranger's POV_

I had a good sweat going by 6:30am when Tank found me on the treadmill. I had been up for over an hour replaying yesterday in my head. Two things bothered me. One, I had failed. I knew that much. The other was that I had also succeeded but I had no idea how. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn't come up with a plausible explanation.

I looked up from my run and saw Tank's grinning face.

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to know if you were ready for Step II?"

"Go fuck yourself."

"Most men say that's impossible. But I say they just aren't big enough."

I barked out a laugh and turned off the machine, hopping up on the sides. "Tank, man, I'm giving up on the plan. That was terrible yesterday."

"What are you talking about?"

"The compliments were not good."

"Did you get a date?"

"Well, yes, but not because of the compliments."

"You getting a date had EVERYTHING to do with the compliments. See, you don't realize it because you were on the inside. You're too close. Us on the outside can see that it worked like a charm. She softened up to you, man. Then you went for the kill. She was just acting pissy because she is trying to stick to her man-hating. The plan worked. Facts are facts."

I hesitated. Huh. That did make a little more sense when he put it that way. Maybe I did wear her down. She did give in awfully easily.

"Well, even if what you are saying is true, I really don't think Step II will have any affect on her. Throwing around my money has never impressed her."

"That's where you're wrong again, Bro. She's more impressed with money than you think. You were too drunk to remember why we came up with this, but there was a point."

"Which is?"

"Why does she love your bed?"

"The expensive sheets."

"And your shower?"

"The expensive shower gel."

"Your Porsche?"

"Because of the leather seats."

"Your apartment?"

"I have a housekeeper that makes fancy food and my plasma is bigger than hers."

"I'll give you a minute to catch up here. Take your time." Tank clasped his hands behind his back and looked bored.

Holy shit. She was into money. I always thought she liked my things like any normal person would, but when you add them all up like that…

Tank cleared his throat. "I see you're catching on. Maybe you should just wrap a hundred dollar bill around your dick and dangle it in front of her. Speed this along."

I ignored him and blew out a breath. "Maybe you're right about the money thing. Shit. Tank, can you make lunch reservations for 1:00 at La Scala?" I jumped down from the treadmill.

"Yeah man." He was grinning like a fool now. La Scala was about 100 a plate. "But where are you going?"

"If I'm doing this, I better do it right. I have to go buy some things."

ooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Stephanie_

There was a knock at my door at 12:38. He was two minutes early and I was a little nervous. He had called this morning to tell me to dress a little nicer than I would normally. He wouldn't tell me why. I opened the door to reveal Ranger in the most gorgeous Armani suit I have ever seen. I felt my jaw drop, my saliva start running and my hoochie just waved the white flag.

This didn't seem platonic or friendly. This didn't even seem flirty. This plain and simply reeked of date.

I tried to get frustrated about it but my eyes couldn't leave the suit. I heard a small laugh and I realized I had been staring at his crotch. I tore my eyes away and tried to meet his gaze but the best I could do was to wander slowly up his body until I finally got to his face, complete with pleased expression.

"See something you like?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. Of COURSE and he knew that. But I wasn't going to tell him.

I glanced down at my clothes and felt a little embarrassed. Next to him I looked like a walking Ross advertisement. I had on a cute, maximum cleavage showing halter tunic with black tight slacks and slutty shoes. I looked cute, young and cheap next to his distinguished elegance.

"Babe." I looked up. "Don't. You look beautiful." His eyes dropped slightly to my cleavage. "I esp-"

"You aren't going to start complimenting me again, are you?"

Ranger laughed, looking appropriately chastised and shook his head. "I'll leave those alone. We need to go, Babe." He raised his arm to look at his watch and I felt the air leave my lungs.

"Holy crap, Ranger! Is that a Rolex?" He glanced at me and did his almost smile, but didn't say anything. "I don't remember seeing it before. Is that new?"

For a fleeting moment it almost looked as if Ranger was embarrassed, but it passed quickly.

"I don't know. Ella must have picked it up. You know how she gets." He waved his hand airily. "Ready?"

I took his offered arm and we rode the elevator down. I didn't comment on this since he was obviously taking pity on my slutty shoes.

We walked outside and Ranger beeped open a brand spanking new black Mercedes CL65 AMG. I gaped. And gaped. And gaped. Not only was it new, it was loaded.

"Ranger!" I finally got out. "This car is like 250,000. Did you know that? Do you KNOW how much this car costs?"

Ranger smiled patiently at me. "Yes, Babe. I think I know how much it costs." He was back to looking pleased. He opened my door and I slid into the softest seats I have ever felt. It even had the serious new car smell.

Ranger got in and we started out of my lot. He was smiling slightly. I looked at him a little harder for a moment. He was acting different. More formal. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but he definitely seemed up to something.

I started looking around the car, poking at a few of the features. I debated for a moment at the privacy invasion and then opened the glove compartment. Stuffed in there were the window sticker and the sale paperwork. Ranger quickly cut his eyes to me and then back to road.

"How new is this car, Ranger? Did you just buy this?"

Once again I saw a momentary look of embarrassment cross his features before it was gone.

"Recently. They must have not cleaned it out very well."

"But the tags-"

Ranger was saved by his phone ringing. He answered it quickly on speaker.

"Yo."

"Boss. I have the information on the hedge fund you were interested in."

Ranger cut his eyes over to me again and he spoke his answer a little softer than was normal.

"I thought we were going to talk about real estate, Tank."

"We were, but Lester and I decided to talk about that hedge fund instead. You know, Boss, the hedge fund."

If I didn't know better, it almost sounded like Tank was smiling.

"Fine."

"Good call on the Credit Suisse Tremont index. They are up 12.5 percent year to date. Do you want to invest the standard 5 million or mirror the Gabelli fund and do 10 million?"

I could feel my mouth hanging open. For some reason, Ranger looked pained. "Hold at 5."

"Got it. Now about the real estate-"

Ranger hung up the phone. He looked a little annoyed so I just stared at him. This was as weird as yesterday. This wasn't Ranger at all. I had pieces to the root of what was going on, but I couldn't make them fit yet.

We pulled in to the parking lot of La Scala and my jaw dropped again for the fourth time in 30 minutes. I had heard of this place but never been here. It was super expensive. I mean, crazy expensive.

"Ranger! What are we doing here?"

"Having lunch, Babe."

"Are you NUTS! This place costs more than I make it a month."

"Pocket change."

"Maybe to YOU!"

I was wringing my hands. I looked down at my clothes again. No way was I getting out of the car now.

"Babe, you look fine. I just thought it would be fun to treat ourselves since we haven't seen each other in a little while. If you don't want to go, we don't have to. But I would really like to eat here with you."

I looked up at him and he raised his hands in defeat.

"I promise that's it. And I haven't even mentioned how big your breasts look in that shirt."

I felt myself bristle before I saw the laughter in his eyes and realized he was teasing.

"Fine. But I'm not eating a snail or anything raw. Or brains."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

What was I thinking? This was the dumbest thing I have ever done. And I don't do dumb things. This may even top the time I stole that car and got sent to live with my Grandma. I can't believe I actually bought a car and a Rolex to try and impress her. I feel about 16. And I REALLY hoped that Tank wasn't serious about the hedge fund conversation. He was supposed to call and happen to mention a property transaction, not make up a whole investment conversation.

Still, Steph did seem impressed. I'd seen her mouth drop more times today than I have the whole time I've known her and she doesn't shock easily. And if I'm going to bring her into my life, she needs to be comfortable with my money. Granted, I don't actually have 10 million in liquid assets lying around like Tank seems to think but I have enough.

We walked in the restaurant and were shown to our table. I ordered Dom Perignon and watched to see how she would take it. Her eyes bulged a little but she held it in like a champ. This might be the stupidest thing I have done to date, but there were some enjoyable aspects.

I ordered for the both of us since the menu was in Italian. They had a version of linguini with sausage that I know she loves when we go to Rosini's.

"Why the suit?"

"I have a client meeting later." This wasn't a lie. She just didn't need to know the meeting wasn't until 5pm.

"Hmm."

She kept looking at me like she was trying to figure something out. I decided to downplay a little bit. I think I had flaunted enough and it was time to just enjoy her. I was about to ask her about her morning when my phone rang. Tank. I ignored it. I was done with the plan for now.

We talked until our food came. We talked while we ate and we talked while she ate dessert. I hadn't talked this much…well, since the other night when I was drunk. But it wasn't that often. I was thoroughly enjoying every minute of it. She is the only person in this world that can make me smile for no reason at all.

My phone rang twice more while we ate. Once from Tank and once from Lester. I ignored them both despite her raised eyebrows. I was learning when to quit with the plan. It did its job and I was stopping. End of story. And then Lester walked in the door and my chances of getting laid got butt fucked.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Stephanie_

What was I thinking? This was the dumbest thing I have ever done. How could I think that a non-date with Ranger was a good idea? I couldn't resist him. From his full-lipped smile down to his John Lobb shoes. I'd lick any part of him I could get.

I don't know where the switch happened but one minute he was weird agenda Ranger and the next minute he's back to normal wonderful. Wait. Maybe not _wonderful_. I mean, this isn't a date and I'm not going around thinking he's, you know…wonderful. And hot. And so intelligent. And definitely not that he smells sooo good. And most certainly not that I want to throw him down on this hard tile floor, rip his pants off with my teeth and ride him like a bucking bronco at the world finals.

But I digress.

I scooped up the last of my Italian cream cake and before I could stop myself I offered it to him. I expected him to refuse but to my surprise he leaned in to take the bite. When his lips touched my fork our eyes met and I got a tingle that had no business on a non-date.

He slid the cake off and the tingle turned into a quiver. Didn't know it could quiver? You've never met Ranger.

He smiled a lazy smile at me and opened his mouth to say something when his eyes drifted over my shoulder and he froze. His blank face slipped on and his eyes looked hard.

"Ranger?"

He didn't answer me so I chanced a look behind me. Lester walked up to us.

If Ranger was exhibiting contained pissy, Lester was the exact opposite. He twinkled. He was barely controlling a small smile.

"Boss. Bombshell. Sorry to interrupt."

"Santos."

"We tried to call but you weren't answering your cell."

Ranger didn't say anything. He just kept his gaze trained on Lester. I didn't quite understand the hostility but I sure as Hell wasn't getting in the way.

"I needed to let you know that the helicopter is waiting when you are ready."

My eyes bugged out for the 6th time that day. I swung to Ranger. "Helicopter?!"

Ranger closed his eyes briefly and looked at Lester. "Santos. Not now."

"But I need an answer. I mean, even though he IS you private pilot-"

"Santos." Ranger warned.

Lester was about to reply when Tank walked up to the table. Rich people all over the restaurant were staring at us. Ranger threw up his hands and I think I heard 'fuck'.

Tank looked at Lester. "What are you doing here?"

"What are YOU doing here? We decided I was coming."

"No we didn't. I was going to do it." They were both smiling. This was weird again.

Tank turned to Ranger who looked like he was going to kill him.

"Boss, I just wanted to tell you that Air Force One has been secured for you when you are ready." Ranger made a small groaning noise.

I turned on Ranger. "What!? I thought Lester just said you have a helicopter and now you use Air Force One?"

"Babe-"

"See," Tank interrupted. "He used to use the helicopter, but he's upgraded. Lester had a momentary memory lapse. Right, Lester?"

"Right. It was the drugs in my teens."

"Ranger uses Air Force One when it's available. It's because he has so much money. Only really rich people can use it."

"Excuse me." We all turned to the gentleman at the table next to us. "I have a lot of money. I mean, look how hot my wife is. Can I use it, too?" We all looked at his wife. She was hot. And her boobs were better than mine.

"No!" Ranger said. "No one is using Air Force One. Only the President."

"I'm a President and CEO. I have three Administrative Assistants."

"Good for you," Lester said, "but this is an AB conversation."

"Tank," Ranger said, "You and Lester need to go. I've got this."

"All right, Boss. But before I go, I talked to Credit Suisse and the minimum for the fund is 20 million. I figured we could just sell the New York complex. It was too small for you, anyway."

"GO!"

They left and Ranger tipped his head back, looking up at the ceiling.

"What is going on here, Ranger? This is so creepy again!"

"Just ignore them, Babe. We were having a good time. Let's rewind."

"Do you really use Air force One?"

"No. And I don't have a helicopter. They were just…" He trailed off, seeming to search for the right words.

"What?"

He sighed slightly. "They were just trying to make me look impressive."

And then it clicked. The last piece to the puzzle I had been missing all afternoon.

"Oh my God. The car, the watch, the champagne… you are trying to impress me with money, aren't you?"

Ranger didn't say anything. He had no expression on his face but was looking at me steadily.

I stood up. "I can't believe you! Are you 16?" He winced. I threw my napkin down and stormed out. In the lobby I was met by the Concierge, our waiter, the coat check lady and two other employees.

"What!" I snapped. "Haven't you ever seen someone storm out before? CAB!" All five of them bolted in various directions. I could see Ranger trying to hurry and settle the bill so he could come after me. Luckily the good cabs hone in on rich people and one was quickly at the door. I was in and shutting the door when I saw Ranger come out of the restaurant. He stood with his hands on his hips as he watched me drive away.

Fucker.

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

I watched her drive away and I blew out a breath. I couldn't blame her. I wanted to drive away from _myself_. I walked over to my car to find Lester and Tank waiting for me.

"Dude," Lester said.

Tank slapped my shoulder. "Sorry, man. Our bad. If Lester hadn't shown up, that would have worked."

"Hey!"

I just stared at them. "No. It wouldn't have worked. Air Force One? Seriously?"

"That may have been a little over the top."

I opened my door and slid in the driver's seat. "No more help. I'm done with the plan. It doesn't feel right."

"You had her, man, before Lester fucked it up."

"Hey!"

I started the car. "Both of you suck." They grinned and Lester shut my door.

I drove towards Haywood. I had to prepare for my meeting and figure out a way to get back in Steph's good graces. The problem was I was back to having no clue. I ran a hand through my hair.

Women.

TBC….


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**The Plan**

**Part Four**

_Ranger_

I was up early again, determined to create a better plan. I had run through five miles and I had jack shit. Absolute shit. I was beginning to accept the fact that my women experience was substandard. Not to mention that my lack of sex was at an all time critical level.

I swung back to Rangeman to find Tank leaning back in a chair by the door. I pulled up in front of him and he tossed me a Gatorade.

"Sexually frustrated?"

Yes.

He laughed when I didn't answer.

"She'll come back around, man."

"With a right hook, maybe. You didn't see how pissed she was."

"I saw her when she came out of the restaurant. Yeah, we might have a little setback. But you got this. We just need to take drastic measures."

"Stay away from me and my love life. You are the black hole of good ideas."

"And you have it all worked out? What you got, man?"

I looked at him hard. I didn't want to tell him I had shit. But he was still my best friend and my penis was desperate at this point.

I blew out a breath. "The truth. And maybe some flowers."

"Fuck, Ranger. That is lame. That is the worst plan I have ever heard. The truth? Chicks NEVER go for the truth! Next you're going to be crying and shit."

"Each time I listened to you, it got fucked up."

"That's because it didn't go right. If we stuck to the plan in its simplicity, you'd be getting a morning blow job instead of yapping with me."

I couldn't help myself. My eyes glazed over when he said blow job. I think I stopped coherent thought.

Tank looked at me for a moment and smiled. I hoped he didn't notice my weakness. I was having a hard time concentrating. Thoughts of naked Stephanie filled my mind.

"Here's what we're gonna do," he continued. "We are going to go to Step III of the plan. It was our last resort but it's sure to work. Really. It's foolproof if successfully executed."

"But I'm not-"

"Inner labia."

I froze and all thoughts of protest faded. All I could think about was burying my head between her legs and pretending I had an ice cream cone.

Lester walked up and both he and Tank stared at me. "What's with Ranger?" I heard.

"Blue ball hypnotism."

"I thought that was a myth."

Tank turned back to me. I shook my head to clear it.

"Okay Ranger. Step III. What do you need to do?"

"Tank, I'm not-"

Lester was right beside me. "Kegel exercises," he whispered.

My mind blurred and I refocused on Tank. All I wanted was for Steph to forgive me. Anything after that was fuzzy.

"I have to rescue her like Batman. Then she'll forgive me and want to get naked at the same time."

"It's the most humane way, man."

"Yeah. I guess so."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Stephanie_

I walked into the bonds office at 9:30 to get my new files. I had three. Two easy and one was a little scary but not too bad. I walked back out to my car and I felt the odd sensation of being watched. I looked around but couldn't see anything out of the ordinary. But it was too quiet. Stalker quiet.

I turned and went back into the bonds office.

"Has anything weird happened this morning around here? Psychos stop in? Death threats?"

"Nah, we're good today," Connie said. "Why? Did you find a body part in your car? Is it a foot? A foot is the creepiest."

"No way!" Lula spoke up. "Eyeballs. Ain't nothin' creepier than an eyeball. They just sit there looking at you all dead and shit."

"No, no body parts." I was standing at the front windows, peeking out. "I just feel hinky. Like someone is following me. But I don't see anything."

Lula got her coat and her bag of chips she had been working on. "I ain't missing this. Things explode when you feel hinky. I ain't seen anything explode in months."

We walked out and got in my Accord. I looked at the first file. Anthony Jackson. I pulled into traffic in hot pursuit of his house.

"So how did your date with Ranger go yesterday?"

"It wasn't a date!" I yelled.

"Seeing as I'm a genius, I'm deducing it didn't go so hot."

"Ranger is stupid."

"Honey, Ranger be a lot of things. Stupid isn't one of them. What did he do? He won't put out?"

"Oh, I'm sure he would. In George W's bed on Air Force One," I mumbled.

"What?"

"Nothing."

We pulled up to Anthony's house. Anthony had created an illegal bonfire out of his cheating girlfriend's clothes on her lawn. I wasn't too worried about him as that was tame according to burg standards. Hell, I had chased Dickie out with a baseball bat.

We got out and looked around.

"You still feeling weird, girl?"

"Yeah. You don't feel it?"

"No. I think it only works for the intended victim."

We walked up to his door. Lula was still munching her chips.

"Could you eat a little quieter?"

"What? These are good fucking chips. Actually, they aren't really chips. They're Funions. I don't know what the hell they are."

I rang the bell and Anthony answered. I went through my spiel about rebonding. He looked at me and then Lula.

"What's with the chips?"

"We don't know."

Hey looked at the bag. "Hey Funions! Can I have one?"

Lula held the bag out. "Well, OK."

Anthony smacked the bag out of Lula's hands, scattering the chips all over the ground and turned to bolt.

Lula shrieked. "Help! Help! Man down!"

I stuck out my foot, catching Anthony at an angle as he turned causing him to smack into the doorframe as Lula was yelling. He staggered backwards and I snapped the cuffs on, swinging him back around to face me as he was still off balance.

"Fuck!" he yelled. Then his eyes locked over my shoulder and got huge.

"What?" Lula and I said together. Lula was down on her knees trying to resuscitate her Funions.

"That was the weirdest thing," Anthony said. "A big Hispanic guy jumped out of the bushes with a gun, looked at Lula on the ground and then dove back into the bushes."

Lula and I turned and looked behind us. Nothing. But my hinky feeling was going wide open.

"Hmmm," Lula said. "I think you're full of shit. Let's go. But stop at the store on the way. Dipshit here owes me some more Funions."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

I sat in the bushes with my hands over my face and thought about my life. Tank was beside me laughing so hard I thought he was going to bust something. He had been laughing ever since I dove back in the bushes.

"Are you done? They already left and we need to keep following them."

"Okay! Okay! I can get it." Tank's voice was a little higher than normal. "But fuck, man. You should have seen yourself. You tore out of here like Rambo. I think you only made it about five feet. That was fucking awesome!" He finished with another round of laughing.

"I'm still not sure why I didn't see you overreacting. That was your girlfriend yelling."

"Nah. I knew it was the chips. They're her little soldiers. She yells the same thing around the house if she drops one."

"So why didn't you stop me?"

"Because, man. You thought your girl was in trouble. No one could have stopped you." He started laughing again. "I've never seen you run away before. Your face did this thing-"

"Can we go now?"

"Yeah, OK. But check my pants when I stand up. I may have wet myself."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Stephanie_

We left the police station and walked back to my car. I paused about halfway there and looked around. The weird feeling was back. It had been absent during our trip to the store where Anthony felt so inclined as to buy both of us chips as well as Cokes.

But now it was back.

"What?" Lula had stopped and was looking back at me. "You got the feeling again?"

"Yeah." We both scanned the area, shrugged at each other and got in the car.

"Who's next?" she asked.

"Chad Fuller. Shoplifting."

"I know that little pecker. I had to get him a few years ago when you gave up bounty hunting to work at Rangeman for a couple months. He works at the mall."

"Good. I need some shoes. And maybe a bra."

"I never did figure out why you quit Rangeman and went back to work for Vinnie."

"I'm not sure anyone knows."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

Christ. She's trying on underwear. Little underwear. One of them had bows on the sides, holding it together. I had a hard-on the size of Montana and I was really hoping Tank didn't notice. Luckily I didn't think he was noticing much of anything because the second he saw some of the things Lula was picking out through his binoculars he started on the 'I'm going to get some tonight' song. God, he was annoying.

We had already sat through shoe shopping and now they were back in the dressing rooms in Victoria Secret. All I could do was picture joining her and doing certain things that were guaranteed to ruin those underwear. One of the things was guaranteed to get me banned from the store and probably arrested.

Thankfully they finished rather quickly and left the store. I was primed, ready to go. I needed to get this Batman shit over with soon so I could reap the rewards. And at this point I planned on reaping them on top, sideways and several positions from behind. I was actually _willing _her to get in trouble.

We trailed them at a safe distance. She knew I was out there. I don't know how, but she did. She kept looking over her shoulder now and then like she had been doing all day. But Tank and I were too good to be caught that easily.

"She's going into Spencer's Gifts," Tank said quietly beside me. "I think this is it because she looks like she is pulling out her handcuffs or something."

Sure enough, she walked up to one of the employees and I could see her talking to him.

I looked at Tank who had the binoculars. "What's her location in the store?"

"Middle. Guy is by the register and Steph is behind the isle next to the fart machine and inflatable penis."

"I see her." She and Lula had moved around the isle so that I could see the three of them plainly from our location. The skip looked agitated. He was waving his arms and we could hear him yelling.

Suddenly he lunged towards her, knocking her down. I was up and running before I could think. I was halfway there when I watched him pull a shelf over on top of her, trying to bolt.

I burst into the store just as Lula grabbed him and sat on him. Stephanie was up and brushing herself off, laughing.

"That was the best yet," Lula was laughing. "You took three inflatable penises right to the head."

Too late to be graceful I realized there was nothing wrong. The skip was in cuffs and they were laughing. I braked as hard as I could, resulting in a few hops in place. Steph and Lula looked up just as I placed a hand on the counter, trying to look casual but still bent forward from momentum.

"Ranger? What are you doing here?" Steph looked instantly cautious and argumentative.

I was out of breath and I had no answer. I opened my mouth but nothing came out.

"Hey baby doll!" I heard from behind me. I turned to see Tank walking up. Lula lit up and ran forward to hug him. Steph was still looking at me, not breaking eye contact. I'm sure my face was blank. Normally I do that to control my emotions. This time it was blank because I had absolutely nothing.

"What are you doing here, baby?" I heard Lula ask.

"I came to get something for tonight. I'm feeling a little naughty. We heard a crash and Ranger came in to make sure everything was OK."

Holy shit. Tank was actually coming through for me.

Steph released my eyes and looked at Tank. "And what were you getting?"

Tank looked at the floor where the shelf had fallen over. "What do you think, baby doll? Love Dice? Or hmmm…Sex Casino?"

Lula giggled and they walked off to see the rest of the games. I hauled her skip up and checked his cuffs.

"You don't need to check him. I got him!" Steph snapped. She started dragging him to the door. He looked confused and smooshed.

"Hey, white girl! I'm gonna check you later. Big Daddy and I got a date with some of this soft porn." Steph gave her a thumbs up and thanked her for her help.

Looked like I was on my own, as well.

I caught up with her outside the store.

"Babe. Let me at least walk you and the skip to your car."

"I got it Ranger."

I went with her anyway and thankfully she didn't say anything. I secured him in the backseat and she eyed me.

"You're slumming today? No chauffeured limo? Not visiting Windsor Palace later?"

I looked at her over the top of the Accord, trying to judge her mood. She was smiling slightly, but I saw a little hurt behind it.

"Babe."

"I'll see you later, Ranger." She got in her car and was gone.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Testing. Lester. Confirm transmission."

"Suck my penis."

I almost rolled my eyes. I don't know why I had him involved at this point. Yes, I did. Because her last skip was the most dangerous and she was going after him alone. I didn't feel comfortable with the situation which was why I was currently checking out ear pieces with an adult four year old behind her building.

"Lester. Try to grow up and act professional."

"Did I get a confirmation on sucking my penis?"

I gave up and began checking our other equipment. The sun was setting and we had the usual nighttime hardware as well as the good guns and flak vests. My flashlight was the size of my hard on earlier.

My ear piece chirped. "We have movement. And not just in my pants."

I sat up and looked which way Lester was angled. Sure enough, Steph was walking towards her car. I smiled. She was being serious. She was dressed all in black and it looked liked a bulge from her gun under her jacket.

She drove for about five miles and ended up a few streets away from Stark. Not the greatest place to be, but there were worse. She parked in front and waited for a bit. Lester and I hung back a few houses down, by an alley.

After about 15 minutes of watching the house, she got out and walked up to the door. I saw her knock but no one came.

We heard noise around the back, in the alley. Steph made her way around the side of the house.

I looked at Lester. "I'm going back to the alley. I don't feel comfortable with her back there. Cover the front." I jogged off and slipped into the back of the alley.

It was really dark. I hid in the shadows behind a wall and watched her creep around the corner by the driveway. She looked freaked.

I was beyond ready. This was a perfect opportunity. She was scared and alone and I was going to kick the shit out of saving the day. A cat ran out suddenly and she shrieked. I smiled and waited for her to get farther in the alley. From my vantage point, I could see we were alone.

She crept along. I heard my earpiece buzz. "Ranger? You OK man? I heard her scream."

She was too close and I couldn't answer. Her eyes were huge as she looked around, trying to see if her skip was hiding.

"Ranger! You OK man? You need backup?"

She was so close now I could see her breathing. I shifted back closer to the wall and my shoe hit a can. She froze.

"Who's there?"

I cursed under my breath. Suddenly I was screwed. If I came out now, she would know I was back here.

"Seriously. Louie? Is that you? You are in violation of your bond agreement. If you come out now, we can reschedule. Or, Hell, if you don't kill me how about I just buy you a beer?" She was breathing hard, her eyes darting around. She took another step and I pressed up against the door. My jacket made a rustling sound as it snagged against the brick.

She froze again and began backing away, breathing harder.

Suddenly Lester rounded the corner of the alley, gun drawn. He pushed Steph against the wall, blocking her with his body. He aimed his gun in all the right places.

"Stay down, Steph!"

She had her mouth slightly open, eyes fixed on Lester. She didn't move. He finished his sweep of the alley, noticing me hiding behind the wall. He smiled slightly at me before turning back to her. I was in for it later.

"Are you all right? I thought I heard a scream." He was helping her upright, his gun still out and threatening. Even in the dark, I could tell she blushed.

"Stupid cat. I just got freaked. What are you doing here?"

"Looking for a skip in the area. Ranger is out around front."

"Oh?" She seemed to hardly notice my name. She was just staring at Lester. And she still had hold of his fucking arm. Lester guided her back out of the alley. "Are you sure you're OK?" I heard him ask.

I made my way back around to the front of the house quickly and met them as they were coming out.

"Babe. What happened?"

She was gazing at Lester. "He saved me."

I stood quite still. Lester's eyes bugged and his mouth opened and closed a few times but nothing came out.

"From what?" I spoke quietly. But I already knew. From YOURSELF, you stupid fuck.

"A cat."

They smiled at each other. If she didn't let go of his arm in the next ten seconds, I swear to God I was going to rip it off.

Lester had been watching me with a terrified look on his face. He saw me staring at his arm and he slowly extracted it from her grip.

"Stephanie, how about Ranger drives you home. You look a little rattled."

"Who?" She looked momentarily confused, but she cleared when she noticed me. "Oh. That's OK. Well, maybe…I mean…._you_ wouldn't want to drive me, would you Lester?"

"Uhhh…well…it's just that…Ranger and I were looking for a skip…."

"You don't mind, do you Ranger?" She turned to me and it was if she noticed me for the first time.

I was boring a hole in Lester's head. He looked like he was about to throw up.

"No, Babe. That's fine. I can finish up here."

She was back to looking at Lester. "OK."

Lester looked over her head at me as they walked away. His look was obvious. 'Don't dismember me, please' it said loudly.

"Is it hot?" I heard her ask as they turned the corner to the car. "I'm so hot. I need to take off my jacket."

I started back to the alley. I was going to find the cat and I was going to kill it.

TBC…


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns all of these wonderful characters.

**Author's note:** Sorry this chapter is so short. Hubby is out of town again so you might get more sooner rather than later.

**The Plan**

**Part Five**

_**Stephanie**_

I couldn't help staring at Lester as we walked back to my car. He had just been so _manly_ back there in the alley. I'd always been aware that Lester was cute, I just had never really noticed. But I was noticing now.

I also noticed he was walking as far away from me as possible. I angled over towards him and he sidestepped slightly in the opposite direction. For some reason, he looked scared to death. We reached my car and he opened the passenger door for me.

He walked around and got in the driver's seat, starting the car and drove back towards my apartment. I turned in my seat so I could see him a little better. He kept cutting his eyes to me.

"Okay, Steph, you can stop that now."

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me. You're going to get my ass kicked."

"I can't help it. And why would you get your ass kicked?"

We had stopped at a light and Lester turned to look at me. "You seriously don't know?"

"Know what?"

Lester shook his head and started forward again. "I shouldn't be the one to tell you, but I have to protect myself from the devastation that would be my ass tomorrow if I don't."

"Tell me _what_, Lester."

We had arrived at my apartment and Lester angled out. "Come on. Let's go upstairs."

Five minutes ago those words from him would have had me wringing out my panties. Now they annoyed me because when I want to be nosy, I want to be nosy NOW!

He unlocked my door for me and we walked inside. Lester immediately went over and got two beers from my fridge, handing one to me.

"So it's like this. Ranger wants you bad but he has no clue how to go about it seeing how you have been mad at him."

"But I-"

"Shoosh. You can validate later. So anyway, he decided he needed a plan. So he created this whole step process to make you pant after him. But it hasn't worked out so good."

Light was dawning. "The compliments?"

"Plan."

"The money thing?"

"Plan. Well, I may have fucked some of that up. You might have put out on that one."

"Hey!" Actually he was right. "And was he following me today?"

"Yeah." Lester smiled. "I actually really liked that one. He was gonna save you. The whole damsel in distress thingy."

"What!"

"I may have fucked that one up, too. I heard you scream and I thought you might be in real trouble."

"And where was Ranger?"

Lester looked decidedly uncomfortable. "I'd rather not say."

"Please tell me he wasn't in the alley."

Lester looked sick again. I was about to poke some more when his phone rang.

He got up and walked into the kitchen while he answered. I pounded the rest of my beer and started on Lester's. This was waaaay too much info for me on only one beer. I could hear parts of his conversation and it sounded like a brief summary of tonight.

He hung up and came back out of the kitchen with two more beers. He must have known I was a beer filcher in times of duress.

"Here's the deal, Steph. He is really whipped over you. So much so that he would do asinine things just to try to win you over. Are you going to be mad at him for that?"

Well, when he put it that way…

"Give him a chance. He has been doing nothing but this for a week now. He even bought a car to try to impress you. It may have been misguided, but it was all from his heart. He loves you."

I started doing the goldfish impression at Lester. He couldn't have shocked me more if he had tried. Suddenly I felt tender and ashamed all at the same time.

He loved me. And I had treated him like a jerk.

"Oh Lester!" I covered my hands with my face. "I've been a jerk. How do you think he is right now?"

"Well, right now he's probably pissed as hell because when we left you were near to raping me. Not that I blame you. I'm a rapable kind of guy."

I rolled my eyes and chugged the rest of my second beer. I was working on a good buzz and should have probably slowed down. But the thought of Ranger left at the alley feeling bad was really fucking with my emotions. What kind of a bitch was I?

Lester brought me another beer and patted my arm.

"Lester! What am I going to do! Should I go over there? Should I tell him I feel the same way?" I may have spit a little while I was talking.

"I don't think so, Bombshell. He might be pretty crabby at us right now."

I flopped over onto the sofa arm right as my doorbell rang. Lester walked over and answered it. Tank was grinning broadly when he opened the door. He and Lester did a complicated hand thing and he walked over to me and sat on the couch.

"Hey Bombshell. Hear you got a problem."

"I'm a big, fat cold bitch!"

"Steph. You aren't fat."

"Why aren't you utilizing soft porn with Lula?"

"That was over three hours ago. We already did that and watched The Matrix."

"Oh." I sniffed.

Lester sat on my other side. I had a merry man sandwich.

"What am I going to do, guys?"

"This here is why I came over. I'm offering you my services."

"Please tell me you don't mean sex."

Tank looked at Lester. "See? This is why I'm the expert. Chicks can't wait to get in my plus size underwear. No, baby. This calls for drastic measure. What you need is a plan."

Lester stood up. "Let me get you another beer."

_**TBC…**_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note**: Almost done. Please don't kill me.

**The Plan**

**Part six**

_Stephanie_

I opened my eyes slowly, expecting to see either a hospital room or the gates of Hell. Instead I saw Lester.

"So _you're_ the Devil. It makes sense."

Lester smiled down at me. "Many women have come to the same conclusion. Including Mama."

"What are you doing here? And why is there a knife sticking out of my eye?"

"Came in this morning to make sure you were alive. No knife, bad hangover. You got wasted off of five beers."

"Ungh. Can you remove my head?"

"I only remove panties."

I struggled to sit up, getting most of the way upright. Lester looked impressed and held out his peace offering. Lucky for me it was The Cure. And not the band.

"Oh my holy God, I love you, Lester."

"Usually women say that the night before. They usually hate me in the mornings. It's a nice switch."

We lay in my bed while I ate my fries and drank most of the Coke. Lester pulled me up so I could go make coffee.

"I should warn you. Tank is still passed out on your couch."

"What?"

"He had sixteen beers."

We walked out and stared at Tank's inert form. He was face down on the cushion with his butt slightly in the air. Luckily, he was clothed.

"Scary," I said.

"Tell me about it. I've slept next to that in foxholes. He twitches."

"Why aren't you hungover?"

"I didn't drink very much. Someone had to stay sober and record the minutes of the Covert Cock Coalition meeting."

"What?!"

"Don't look at me. That's what you insisted we refer to ourselves as after your fourth beer." He pointed to a notebook on the end table. I picked it up and smiled. Sure enough, he had recorded the minutes. I scanned them.

"Do you know that you tried to touch my breast at 8:16, 8:45, 9:21, 10:03 and 10:58pm?"

"You missed one. Turn the page."

"Oh yeah. 11:32." I looked at him. "This is what you felt needed to be recorded? That and-"I looked at the page "9:14-Tank tried to lick Rex."

We looked at Rex. He wasn't coming out of his can.

"I bring truth to the people."

I rolled my eyes and went to make coffee. Tank farted in his sleep.

Lester helped himself. "Steph, I did write down the plan we came up with. It's a good one. Seeing as how men are less complex than women, it only has two steps."

"Oh, God, that's right. There was a plan." I flipped the notebook back open, past the Rex licking to 11:47pm. "Step one." I looked at the page and couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"You have got to be fucking kidding me, Lester. There is no way I agreed to this."

"Steph, it was your idea and it's brilliant. Make out with another woman in front of him. No man can turn that down. And you said you experimented in college."

"I was lying! Every girl says that! It usually involves a peck on the lips to win a t-shirt at a bar. And we never even remember it! We just wake up with a shirt the next morning that says "I tongued a chick and all I got was this lousy t-shirt". We're liars!"

"You keep talking like that and you're going to make my hard-on go away."

"GOOD!"

We heard a noise from the couch and watched Tank stagger up wide-eyed.

"What? I heard something about making out with another woman?" He grimaced, grabbed his stomach and sat back down. "Ungh. I think I'm coming down with a bug."

Lester walked over to him. "Steph is pussing out on the plan. Doesn't want to kiss a chick."

"Steph," Tank said, hunched over. "Do you love Ranger?"

"Well, yeah."

"Then you gotta do this. It's one of the only ways to get to a man. If you love him, you'll do this. If not, well, I guess we know how you really feel."

I looked between Tank and Lester. Lester was nodding. I hung my head.

"Fine. Fine. Get me a chick."

"Awesome. My boner is back."

Tank just looked green.

"Come on, pussy," Lester said, pulling Tank up. "Let's go in the bathroom. I need you to look and this pustule on my foot."

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Two hours later Tank (who was feeling much better after vomiting in my shower), Lester and I were peering out the front window of the bonds office. Lula was behind us with her arms crossed.

"I gotta what?"

I looked back at her. "Kiss me."

"And why do I have to kiss you?"

"Because somehow this will make Ranger forgive me for almost raping Lester and make him love me again."

She looked at me for a moment. "Well, you may have something there. Because nothing says true love to a man than watching his girl be a lesbian."

"Fuckin A," Lester said.

Tank shifted his attention to us. "Okay, game plan. Ranger should be here any minute to pick up files. I called to tell him he had to pick some up. When he gets here, Steph, you and Lula should be on the couch talking about how bored you are. Pretend you don't see him and then kiss each other. But have your purse by you, Steph, because he is going to drag you out of here faster than Lester's first sexual experience."

"Hey!"

Tank signaled at us. "The Cayenne just pulled up. He's here. Places!"

Lester and Tank ducked into the supply closet. Lula and turned to each other on the couch wide eyed.

"You brushed your teeth this morning, right?" she asked, looking nervous. "Shit, I haven't macked a woman since I was a ho. At least then I got 20 dollars."

We heard the door open and Lula and I pasted on bright fake smiles.

"So!" I said, waaaay too loud. "I sure am bored. Wish I had something to do!"

"Me, too!" Lula said. "You know what I used to do back when I was a ho and bored?"

"What!?"

"Make out with chicks! Yep. Uh hum. Sure did!"

"Sounds good, Lula! I sure would like a piece of that action."

"OK!"

"Yep."

"Here we go."

"Right this second."

"It's gonna be hot."

"Boiling."

"Any minute now."

Lula and I were slowing leaning closer. I was trying to stop the grimace. We both closed our eyes at the same time and went for it.

It wasn't that much different from kissing a guy. Oh Hell, it was a lot different. Even with my eyes closed, I knew there was another vagina in close proximity. We had our hands on each others shoulders and our tongues in the other's mouth, kissing for all we were worth. I felt like the harder I kissed her, the less I would think about it. Lula, apparently, shared my opinion.

After the longest 18 seconds of my life we came up for air, breathing hard and looking at each other wide-eyed. We just stared at each other.

"Holy fucking lesbians."

Both our mouths opened in shock as we looked over our shoulders at the door. Hal stood with a dazed look on his face and an obvious tent in his pants.

"Files I need. Ranger files sent pick up."

I turned towards the supply room. "TANK!"

Tank and Lester walked slowly out. Both of them had tents.

I threw up my arms. "What the fuck! Was there a sale at Camping World?"

Lester had the same glazed look on his face as Hal. "Could you do that again? I almost came."

"NO!" I turned on Hal. "Where is Ranger! He was supposed to be here. Not YOU!"

"Take down he had caught up."

Lula stood up. "Well that was fun. Tank. Take me home. I need some dick."

ooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

By 5:30pm we were no closer to cornering Ranger. Good thing, too. I had no chick and I wasn't going to kiss another one, anyway.

"What am I going to do?" I wailed over my pizza. After Lula and Tank had their 10 minutes of quality time, we had agreed to meet for dinner to regroup.

"Okay, new strategy," Tank said. "I know I can convince Ranger to go with me to that new club down the street. We'll meet you there and you can kiss Lula at the club once you see him and then blame it on alcohol if you need to."

Lula and I eyed each other. Tank and Lester shifted in their seats.

"I can't do it!" I said. "I can't kiss her again."

"Oh, thank you, Jesus!" Lula said.

"You have to, Steph! Do it for me- I mean Ranger!"

"No. I just can't do it again. I mean, not that you aren't a great kisser, Lula, it's just…you know.."

"I know. I have too many similar parts."

"And they were too close to me."

We both shivered a little.

"We have to give up the plan, guys."

We all stared at our food for a minute.

Tank looked up. "What if I could solve all our problems?"

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

I don't know why I let Tank talk me into this. I really didn't want to be going to a club with a bunch of 20 year olds when I could be heading over to Steph's apartment and finally telling her the truth. The events of yesterday threw me a little, but I knew that it was just her fear in the alley that made her act that way.

I sighed and picked up my coat. I met Tank in the garage and we climbed in the Porsche.

"Thanks for going, man. I just needed to get out for awhile. Do the guy thing. Drink some beer." When he said beer, I swear he looked a little green.

"No problem."

We arrived at the club and made our way to the bar, ordering a couple of beers. We scanned the crowd, but I had zero interest in anyone there. I came to give Tank an excuse to get out. He had exactly one hour and then I was ditching him and tracking down Steph.

We didn't make it 20 seconds before a blond walked up to me and asked me to dance. I simply looked at her with no expression.

"No."

She looked disappointed but walked away.

Tank shook his head. "So Manny was working the Hanover monitor today when he saw this-"

This time it was a brunette.

"No."

Tank rolled his eyes. "Anyway he saw this weird shadow in the hallway. So he gets all worked up and-"

Red head. "No."

"-drives all the way over to the building. Goes through the whole song and dance with getting in there, full riot gear-"

Blond again. "No."

"- scouts the whole building. Turns out it's a birthday balloon tied to a chair just off to the side of the camera-" He looked over my shoulder. "NO! Fuck, I hate coming here with you."

About 30 minutes and 12 more women later, I saw her. She was out on the dance floor dancing by herself. I looked over at Tank and he was staring at the ceiling. He didn't look at me.

I looked back over at Steph and saw the ugliest woman I had ever seen walk over to her. She was huge and looked horrifically uncomfortable. She kept darting glances all around as she motioned to Steph to dance with her.

I didn't know what was going on but I did not feel comfortable with the situation. None of it seemed to fit in at all. I looked at Tank again and he was staring at the ugly woman with a cross of horror and delight on his face.

"What the Hell is going on?" I asked.

"Don't know, man. Looks like your girl is dancing with that..um..hot chick."

I stared at him and shoved away from the bar, advancing towards them. I heard Tank yell at me to come back.

Right before I got to them the unthinkable happened. Right in the middle of the dance floor the ugly woman grabbed Steph and kissed her. Not a small kiss, either. This was the real thing. The woman dropped her hands to Stephanie's backside and pulled her against her.

Before I could stop myself, I grabbed the ugly woman and pulled her off Steph. The force of it caused her wig to fall off and I found myself staring at a very ugly, make-upped, bra wearing Lester.

"What the fuck!"

"I can explain!" Steph said.

"Don't hit me!" Lester said.

I looked at Stephanie. "You don't need to explain whatever weird fetish you have going on here with Santos, Babe. I've seen enough." And with that I walked out of the club. Tank was on his own.

_TBC….._


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.

**Author's note: **_Okay, I realize that I am posting the last chapter on Valentine's Day. I swear to Holy God, I didn't mean to do it like this. This REEKS of cheesy. It's just the way my schedule worked out, I swear! I almost thought about waiting until tomorrow to post because this was so lame but then I figured that would be as silly as posting today. :)__ Anyway, Happy Valentine's Day, Babes._

**The Plan**

**Part 7**

_Stephanie_

Did you actually read my author's note or did you just skip to the first sentence, you little cheater. :)

It was 6:48 am. I had been staring at my ceiling for the last 143 minutes. Some would wonder why I didn't just get up an hour ago. What? And let insomnia win? I didn't want it to get a big head.

I finally admitted defeat and rolled out of bed a headed in to make coffee.

"Hey guys," I said as I passed the couch.

Tank and Lester grunted at me, completely absorbed in SpongeBob SquarePants. I stuck my head back out of the kitchen, wondering where they came from and why the hell they were on my couch at 7:00 am. Turns out I didn't really care seeing as they had made coffee already.

A few minutes later I wedged myself between them with my cup of cream, sugar and a little bit of coffee.

Tank was shaking his head. "That Patrick. He's such a fucking dumbass! I think he's my favorite."

"Guys. Why are you on my couch? Did you come over to give me grief about my lack of love life? Or, Tank, did Lula kick you out when she realized what actually comes out of your mouth and is passed off as knowledge?"

"I'm hurt."

"Get over it."

Lester slung an arm around my shoulders and pulled me into him. "Come on, beautiful. Don't be like that. We came over to make sure you were okay and to see what we could do to help."

"That's it?"

"Well…that and I'm too scared to go back to Haywood. You got any nail polish remover?"

We drank our coffee for awhile and watched SpongeBob try to beat Sandy in Karate.

Tank finally pulled one of my curls. "So, you gonna do it?"

"Do what?"

"The final part of the plan. Step 2. The sure thing."

"You're kidding. This is a joke, right? I mean seriously? You are seriously asking me to do another step of your asinine plan after you had me making out with Ru Paul over here? WHO, by the way, grabbed my ass and humped me."

"I did not hump you, per se. You might say 'massaged'. You might say 'caressed'. And I don't know why you have to say it like that. Ru Paul is hot. I mean, for having a penis."

"Steph," Tank said, "There is one reason and one reason only that step one didn't work yesterday. Actually, two reasons. One of them being that Lester here fucked it up again."

"Hey!"

"But the main reason it didn't work is that we didn't stick to form. Ranger was on his way over to you, he was so turned on. It just happened to be foiled when he saw dick in a skirt over here. If you hadn't pussed out and had actually humped a GIRL, it would've worked."

I buried my face in my hands, reliving the embarrassment and disappointment that was last night. The thought of Ranger hurt and mad was clouding everything. "Fuck. What's step 2?"

Tank looked at me. "You don't remember?"

"No! I didn't read past step one yesterday."

"Let's see how much you have learned about the fine and subtle art of plan making. Guess."

I thought hard. What was the big guns? What was the one thing that would totally turn guys on? I turned and looked at Tank and Lester. They were grinning.

"Oh HELL no! I am not. Under ANY circumstances. Stripping."

Lester rolled his eyes. "I knew you were going to say stripping. EHHHH! Wrong. Think it through, Steph. Do you really see Ranger getting turned on by a stripper?"

"Well, no. But I thought we were going for guy fantasies?"

"Wrong again," Tank said. "See, this is why I am the plan maker. We aren't looking for GUY fantasies, we are looking for RANGER fantasies."

"Then what was with the kissing another girl thing? You said that was every guy's fantasy!"

"Well, yeah. Lesbians are an automatic qualifier. I don't care who you are. If you have a penis, it's going to get hard."

"Amen." Lester nodded.

Tank went on. "Now see our boy Ranger, he isn't going to get excited watching someone strip. He's seen that waaaaaaaaaaay too-"

"ALL RIGHT!"

"Um..yeah..so he needs something a little more refined. Upscale. Tailored to his tastes."

"And this would be?"

"Watching you beat someone up dressed in slutty clothes."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

This had 'disaster' written all over it. It was mid-afternoon and I was standing in my parking lot with The Hardy Boys.

And that wasn't the worst of it. The old people were staring at me through their bifocals.

We had spent the rest of the morning working out my 'ass kicking' skills. Tank had moved my furniture and he and Lester had proceeded to thrash the living daylights out of me. Then Lula came over, and I had to show her how much I had learned. It didn't take very long. Then, while we moved on to Half Nelson 101, Lula went out to buy my outfit. One could only assume she visited some stores where she used to find 'working clothes'.

So here I stood in my parking lot dressed in barely there leather shorts, knee high spike heeled boots and a leather halter style top that zipped up the front and showed most of my boobs. I had my hair straightened and pulled up into a sleek ponytail on the top of my head and Lula had made my lips so red people were confusing me with the sun. I looked like Dominatra the Spanker Whore.

"Guys, this is a bad idea. Very bad. Titanic bad. Ranger will never go for this."

"He doesn't have to _believe_ it, Steph," Lester said. "He just has to get turned on by it. And I'm sure it will work because I'm really turned on. I'll give you 1,000 dollars to let me touch your butt."

Tank and I ignored him. He got turned on so often it wasn't even noticeable anymore. Okay, some parts were still noticeable. He's a goof but he didn't get his stellar reputation in bed for nothing.

Tank elbowed him out of the way. "Okay, Steph, plan time. Give it to me."

I sighed. "It's 3:30 now. At 4:15 I need to try to take down Ziggy Gandoli in front of his house."

"Not try. Will! It's all the mindset. You can take him. He's the smallest skip we have. He's like, 4'9" or something."

"Fine. I WILL be taking down Ziggy at 4:15. Coincidentally, Ranger shockingly will be pulling up at 4:15 to apprehend Ziggy. I have to let him struggle for a minute and then kick the shit out of him when I know Ranger is watching."

"It's gotta go just like that, baby, or it won't work. I don't want to have to dress Lester up as a skip and have you whip him, but I will."

"Hey!"

Tank turned towards the Bronco. "Okay. Let's go. I have to call Ranger and tell him to go get Ziggy. I'm the only person he likes right now." I made a whimpering noise.

I started to get in my car. "Well shit, boys, here goes nothing. I mean, how bad can it be? LESTER! Get your hand off my ass!"

"I was just getting you riled for your takedown."

"Give me my fucking 1,000 dollars."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I sat in front of Ziggy's house for a good 15 minutes trying to get the nerves under control. Ranger was supposed to be here in five minutes so I needed to get a move on. I swung out of the car and made my way up to the porch. A man in the next house opened his window.

"Holy shit! Where the Hell did Ziggy order you?"

"Rangeman."

"Never heard of them. Would it cost extra if you did something with vegetables?"

I flipped him the bird and rang the bell. The door opened and I found myself looking at a short, skinny little man who must have been pushing 50. I felt infinitely better. I felt even more so when I heard the sound of a car pull up behind me.

Ziggy blanched and took in my outfit. "Please tell me you're here to have sex with me."

"Ziggy, you are in violation of your bond agreement and I need to take you to court to reschedule."

"What?" He looked instantly pissed. "Fuck you I'm going back to court!"

I heard a car door shut and footsteps on the walk. Just as Ziggy tried to shove me out of the way I heard the sweetest word I have ever been blessed to hear.

"Babe."

And then I slammed my fist into Ziggy's stomach.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Ranger_

I pulled up to Ziggy's house two minutes early to scope the place out. I was prepared for Ziggy the runt skip. What I wasn't prepared for was that it looked like he had a prostitute coming over at the same time. She was quality, too. This must be why Tank had me show at 4:15. Ziggy would be distracted.

I got out of my car and began to make my way to the door. As I neared I heard the girl talking to him and all at once my heart seized in my chest. For maybe the third time in my life I was speechless. The prostitute was Stephanie.

I actually came to a full halt in the walkway as I heard her going through the violation speech. My gaze swept over her from the boots all the way up to the Lara Croft ponytail and I couldn't help it. My dick twitched.

I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to peel off my shirt, put it on her and get her the hell out of there. I had no idea what she was trying to pull, but it wasn't happening. I got within a few feet when Ziggy started to resist.

"Babe," I cautioned. And God help her, she slugged him in the gut.

Ziggy bent over and whooshed out a breath of air. While he was still bent over, he charged her and they slammed up against the wall. Her left breast almost popped out.

"Stop fighting me, Ziggy!" she gasped. "I'll hurt you! I'll open a can of whoop ass all over you!" She was trying to grab him while keeping one hand tugging the bottom of her shorts down, but he was so short she couldn't get a grip.

Ziggy's face was smooshed in her stomach, his voice barely audible. "Try it, you dumb, white prostitute."

I just stood there, watching. I couldn't help it. It was the most bazaar thing I had ever seen and I was trying to decide between laughing and being turned on. It was a toss up at this point.

Ziggy finished his taunt and Steph tried to knee him…well…I'm not sure where. She couldn't get her leg high enough with her hand holding onto the shorts. Ziggy sidestepped away easily and pushed her against the railing.

"Give it up, Ziggy!"

"Eat me, bitch!"

That must have done it because I watched my babe smash her heel down on his foot. Ziggy leapt away howling and holding his foot.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! You damn whore! You punctured my toe."

"Good! Now shut up and get arrested!"

Ziggy kicked out at her and she grabbed his leg. She tried to pull him off balance but she had the angle wrong and he tripped her with his other foot. They went down in a pile on his doormat. Steph had one arm around his waist and he had one hand on her face and the other trying to pull himself away.

I finally came out of my trance and jogged up the steps. Ziggy took one look at me and came out with a string of curses, redoubling his efforts at escape.

"Babe. I got him."

"No! Ranger no! I got this. I almost have him. I'm kicking his ass." Ziggy was slowly dragging them inch by inch towards the stairs. He stopped and used his other hand to try to push her face away, as well. She bit him. They thrashed for another minute and I saw her try to do something that almost looked like a Half Nelson, but really wasn't.

I bent down to try to drag him up and she smacked my hand away. "No Ranger! I don't think so." They were both panting. "I spent all fucking day learning how to kick the fucking shit out of someone, I got fucking dressed like a damn slut and now I have my face in this thing's armpit. I'm going to finish kicking his ass like I'm supposed to so back the fuck off!"

I put my hands up in the air and stepped back. As I watched, she got one leg over him and tried to roll them backwards. She got halfway and hit her head on the step, releasing Ziggy. He popped up but she grabbed a leg and the back of his pants. With a horrible rip, his pants split and he fell forward with the release. She leapt up and landed on him with all of her weight. There was a soft 'oof' and Ziggy farted and went still.

Steph sat up somewhat dazed and looked down at still Ziggy, slight disbelief on her face.

She raised her arms and threw her head back. "YES! Yes! I got him! Oh thank you Jesus! How do you like that, Ziggy? Huh? You like that, you old fucker?"

She was bouncing up and down on him with glee and she looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful smile. All at once my heart swelled. Despite the clothes, she was my babe again. Disheveled hair, torn pants, dirt everywhere and a smile that always melted me right down to a sixteen year old kid.

Whatever had been going on the last few weeks was gone. It was just Steph and me like always. Gone was the weird playacting, fake words and actions. All I saw at that moment was her smile.

I walked over to her as she rolled off of him. I helped her up and we both smiled at the other. My arms slid around her waist of their own accord and I saw her eyes flash with recognition and then grow soft as she reached up to touch my face.

Just before she did, however, I saw Ziggy rise up behind her. He had grabbed a metal trowel from beside the walkway and was swinging it up and back. With relative ease I shoved Steph to the side, grabbed his shirt and rammed him into the house twice in rapid succession. The first slam knocked the trowel out of his hand and the second knocked him unconscious against the doorframe. I dropped him on the ground and slipped cuffs on both his wrists and ankles. He was going to be pissed when he came to.

I turned back around to find Steph staring at me with wide eyes.

"Babe?"

"You saved me."

I gave her a full smile before pulling her to me. I cupped her face in both hands and kissed her, letting all my frustration and relief from the last few weeks pour out of me. She returned my kiss with the same enthusiasm and we completely lost ourselves. I barely registered another car drive up and people getting out. The only thing that mattered to me at the moment was that somehow Stephanie was in my life the right way.

We both broke apart, however, when we heard cheering and clapping. We spun around to Lester and Tank applauding. I was having a hard time figuring out why they were here until I saw Tank give Steph a thumbs up.

Suddenly I was aware of her outfit again. I looked between her and Tank and understanding suddenly washed over me.

"Oh Babe. No."

She turned her eyes to me. "No what?"

"Please tell me this outfit wasn't part of a grand Tank disaster plan."

"Hey!" Tank said. "Don't be dissin' the plan. It worked, didn't it? That _was_ your tongue I saw in her mouth, right? I might have even seen a certain hand on her ass."

Lester started forward. "If you don't charge him 1,000 dollars I'm going to be pissed. That was my poker money I gave you."

I turned to Steph again. "You actually let them talk you into a plan?"

She looked confused. "Well, it did sort of work. I mean, you kissed me after."

"After what exactly?"

"After I beat up Ziggy wearing slutty clothes. Your turn on."

"Excuse me, my what?"

Our conversation was interrupted by the sound of Tank's laughter. "You gotta admit, that was a good one. I'm a fucking genius."

Stephanie and I stared at him.

"What? Look, you guys obviously have a lot to talk about. Here's what you need to do-"

"NO!" we both yelled at him together. Tank cut off and took a step back. I grabbed Steph's hand and started pulling her towards the Porsche.

"We are done here, Babe. Tank! Take Ziggy in for Steph. I am offline until further notice. And if you call me with any advice in the next 48 hours I will see to it that you are my personal sparring partner for the entire month."

Tank and Lester eyed each other and moved over to Ziggy.

I helped Steph in, watching her thighs as she slid in. Maybe Tank did have a point with this outfit, but just in the privacy of my apartment. I jogged around and got in, looking over at Stephanie. She had her eyes closed, leaning back in her seat.

"I love the smell of this car. It's so you. I love the seats."

I stared at her for a beat, comprehension dawning. "It's not that it's expensive. It's the fact that it reminds you of me that you like these things." I should have seen that earlier. I could have saved myself a damn Rolex.

"Of course. What are you talking about, Ranger?"

"Nothing, Babe." I smiled at her and picked up her hand, kissing the back. "No, it's not nothing. Thank you, Babe. Thank you for being the most real person I know. Thank you for seeing past the money and the image. I know we have a lot to talk about but I just wanted to tell you that I'm proud of who you are."

She stared at me with her mouth slightly open. I smiled and started the car pulling away from the curb. After a minute I saw her subtly wipe her eyes with the hand I wasn't holding on to.

"Thanks, Ranger. That might be the best compliment I have ever received in my life." I kissed her hand again as we pulled up to Haywood.

"What are we doing here?"

"Talking. With no interruptions. I think you and I have some air to clear." I got out and pulled her out of the car. We rode up the elevator and into my apartment without talking. As soon as the door shut I turned to her.

"Babe. I should never have listened to Tank. I should have known you wouldn't be interested in compliments or money or stupid plans. I should have been honest with you from the beginning."

"Yeah, Ranger. That was pretty bad." I raised my eyebrows at her. She laughed.

"I'm serious, Babe." I brushed a thumb across her cheek. "More serious than you know."

"And I should have known better than to resort to stupid tricks to try to get your attention. I should have know this.." She looked down at her outfit. "…wouldn't be of interest to you."

"Tank might have actually had something there."

"What!?"

"Babe. I have been staring at you in that outfit since I saw you at Ziggy's front door."

"You can't be serious."

"Oh, I'm serious," I said, stepping closer and running my hands down her hips to her bare thighs. "But if you ever try to wear this in public again I will drag you back home and chain you to my bed."

"Promises, promises."

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her. She leaned into me and I almost forgot everything but the taste of her. But I wasn't finished. There was one more thing I needed to know. I broke the kiss and looked at her.

I hesitated but asked the one question that was bothering me the most. "What's going on between you and Santos?"

She smiled up at me. "Well, thanks to him being a pervert he paid my rent this month."

I felt the expression start to leave my face. Before I could register, she actually laughed at me.

"Nothing! Nothing is going on, Ranger! It was another stupid plan. Tank convinced me that you would get turned on watching me make out with another girl. After my try with Lula, I couldn't do it again so Tank thought it would still work if you thought Lester was a girl. I'm sorry. I should have known better. I should have known you wouldn't get turned on by something like that. It was just that…"

My mouth parted and I couldn't hear from the blood that rushed to my ears. She was still talking but all I saw was her mouth moving.

I snapped back to reality when I heard her say my name.

"Ranger! Have you heard a word I said?"

"I heard you say you kissed Lula. Kiss. Woman. Together." I couldn't stop looking at her mouth. I'm not even sure what I said.

Stephanie stared at me for a beat.

"Oh no." She looked down at my pants. "OH NO! Not you, too, Ranger! What is it with you men?"

"I'm done talking now, Babe."

She looked at me and I saw a slow smile spread across her face. "I think I'm done talking, too." She walked towards me and started pushing me backwards. I could help smiling at her. She backed me until my legs hit the couch and I sat down. She stood over me and ran her hands from my shoulder, down my chest to the front of my pants, kneeling as she went. My breathing and heart rate sped up as she began undoing my belt.

"Babe."

"Oh no, Ranger. No talking." She unzipped my pants and tugged them off my hips. I groaned as she grasped me with her hand.

She smiled at me again. "See, I have a plan of my own." I almost came off the couch as she licked from my balls all the way up to the head.

"This is Step 1."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooo RS oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Two weeks later…_

_Stephanie_

Ranger and I walked into the bonds office together at a little after 9:00. We had just finished our run and breakfast. 9:00 was a little late for us, but we took..umm..extra long in the shower. Again.

Ranger and I had finished our talk and both agreed to give 'us' a try. Without a word, especially to the Hardy Boys, we packed up a few things and took a long weekend by ourselves with no agendas. Just us. And a really big bed. And maybe the warming lotion.

Connie and Lula were sitting on the couch when we walked in. Lula had her face in her hands and Connie had her arm around her.

"Lula! What's wrong? Is everything okay?" I sat down next to her. She just made a grunting noise."

"Lula is depressed," Connie said. "She's having man problems."

"What happened? Things were going so well!"

"I know!" She snapped her head up. "Too well. Steph, I think I'm in love with him. Oh God!" She buried her face again. I could just hear her muffled words. "I don't know what to do. I don't know if he feels the same!"

I looked up at Ranger and our eyes met and held over her head. A slow smile crept between us. Ranger sat on her other side.

"Oh, I think he does, Lula."

She looked up at him. "You do?"

"Oh yes," I said. "I think you just need to show him what he's got."

"How?"

"That's why we're here, Lula," Ranger said, putting his arm around her. "See, what you need is just a good plan."

I stood up. "I'll get the beer."

_The End_


End file.
